Me, Myself, and I

I am for the most part an open book, but it hasn’t always been this way. I used to hide under over-sized/athletic clothes, I used to barely speak in public in fear of sounding uneducated, and I came off almost snooty when I was only trying to stay guarded. Don’t get me wrong. I still have my insecurities and flaws, but I have worked so hard to grow into the woman I am fully meant to be. That means, I may not be a size zero but I can still look cute, I may not be the smartest person in the room but I was made with a voice for a reason, and I may not always feel comfortable but when I share my stories I might be helping someone else going through the same things (good or bad). So here is a little bit of my story to help you understand a little better how I got to where I am today.

Lets start with high school. Some people have the time of their life, and some people you couldn’t pay to go back. The latter was me. You couldn’t pay me a million dollars to go back. Now with that being said, without that part of my life I wouldn’t be who I am today. High school was where I learned not to trust. It took my self confidence and shredded it into a million pieces. I let it take my individuality. I lost who I was as a person, because I put my self worth in another human being. Little did I know what my future would hold. How strong I would become, how confident, and how to go after whatever I want out of life no matter what anyone else thinks.

Then came college. I attended Texas Tech University (WRECK’EM!) in Lubbock, TX, and it was the BEST decision I have ever made (besides marrying my hubby of course)! Wait. Let me back up for a sec. I was still dating said boy who I put all my self worth into, and my first year in college was spent with me eating my feelings away in my dorm/waiting on his every move. How silly is that?! Yeah, I know. I remember calling my dad at the end of that first year, and telling him I was ready to throw in the towel and come home. He told me that I needed to try it one more semester, and if I still felt that way after giving it another shot then I could come home. I agreed, and gave it a whirl. I moved out of the dorms and into a place off campus with 3 other random girls. This is where I met one of my best friends to this day! This same year I learned that I didn’t need to smother who I was to please anyone else. I finally found my voice. The next two and a half years had their fair share of ups and downs, but more than anything I just kept finding the pieces of myself. Long story short, I stayed and never wanted to leave. No exaggeration. I contemplated getting a teaching job right there in good ole Lubbs, but my family brought me home.

My happy ever after! I came home from college and somehow landed my dream job straight out of the gate. Now, now, now. It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I applied to what felt like 30 schools, and there was only 1 that called me back. Thank the Good Lord that he had a plan for my life, and knew exactly where I needed/wanted to be. I started my first year of teaching and felt lost. All of my friends were settling down, and figuring out their lives and I felt like I was just floating through the days. Yes, I loved my job and was so grateful to have it, but part of me felt so much anxiety for what my future held. Don’t worry though, God had a plan for that too! I started my job in August and in November I was due for an observation day around the campus. That means I was able to go to other schools to observe teachers who were more experienced than I was in the same grade level. Looking back on that day I laugh. I laugh because I was assigned to observe a first grade classroom when I was a kindergarten teacher, and was so frustrated that I had to make sub plans to just “waste” my day. To my surprise, I met my husband that day. Right there in the cafeteria of the school where I currently teach. He caught me, speed walking to the first grade classroom, I was annoyed to go to. As I walked by, he spoke up and said, “Hey, how are ya?”. Y’all. I bet you could never guess what my response was! I could’ve said, “Hey what’s up?!” or “I’m great, how are you?”, but nooooooooo. You know what I said?! I only said, “Good.”. Just good?! Yeah, and kept walking. Remember the snooty, but guarded statement above. That was partly that coming out, and the other part was my frustration from the day. Later that afternoon I felt so guilty, and decided to message him on insta to apologize. One thing led to another, and here we are almost married for a year in June! Meeting my husband sealed the deal for me. I found someone who loves every part of me, and encourages me to be goofy, messy, and imperfect.

Here we are present day and I am sitting here typing this and reviewing my life. Everything I went through to get to where I am now. Without every single one of those instances I wouldn’t be me. It would be silly to say that someone bigger than myself didn’t have a hand in all of this. I had to lose all my confidence and trust in high school to learn how to become my own person, and focus on me. When I met my best friends in college my trust was restored. When I applied to 30 schools and the school of my dreams was the only one who called me back, it taught me patience. When I just so happened to meet my husband in that same school district it taught me perseverance. To wrap this up, it brings me to this conclusion. Through every situation I have stayed consistent. Consistently me. I kept bettering myself, and the perfect situations kept falling into my lap. So, yes this whole blog venture is way out there for me. It’s uncomfortable, vulnerable, and scary, but if I only connect with 1 person it is worth it. It’s something that has been tugging on my heart strings for a while, and I am doing it. It’s not going to be easy, and there is no telling where it will lead, but I am going to ride it out until my heart is satisfied!